When it’s freezing outside and your toes are steadily going numb, it can be hard to concentrate on anything but how cold you are.
Instead, make being cold the only thing that identifies you by eradicating all the other facets of your personality. It will make expressing yourself much easier which is good, because you have to save energy to retain heat.
Here’s where to start.
When you enter a room, wiggle around and say, “brr!”
Before anyone knows your first name, last name or reason for being in the room, they should know you are feeling a little cold.
Show everyone that your fingers are kind of blue.
Yeah, it’s like a purplish-blue color. Wild, right? It happens at the beach, too, like if the water is cold.
Make sure to bring up your circulation a few times per week.
If you’re cold all the time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have poor circulation. However, talking about your real or imaginary circulatory issues is a great way to bond with other cold people.
Never drink iced coffee. (Too cold!)
Even if iced coffee or soda, or iced tea, or cold water sounds delicious, it’s important to stay on brand. Time to boil your body from the inside!
Pretend you don’t know what the Winter Olympics are.
Repeat after us: “Winter Olympics? Only Summer Olympics for me, please.”
Refer to your space heater as your “spouse.”
You spend so much time together, it’s similar to being married! Cutie.
When selecting an office blanket, go for the loudest print and the brightest colors.
When you get up from your desk to go the bathroom, do not take the blanket off. Better yet, announce, “Me and my office blanket are headed somewhere!”
Keep no fewer than 20 scarves in your bag at all times.
They must all be different and they must all be so huge.
Every day, take a 2-hour hot shower.
Make sure to bring it up to your friends and coworkers. They want to hear about when you shower and what you do in there.
Leave the room every time you see a commercial for tourism in Park City, Utah.
It is not good for you to look at all that snow on the television.